My food plan is my medicine. With it I don't feel sick, without it, I will be very ill. Like the diabetic that feels fine so stops taking insulin leading to diabetic coma.

September 25, 2009 day 5

Today went well. I still have the occasional thought of cheating, but I just stayed busy and it passed. I am still not great on measuring, but I will work harder. Here's the day:

Breakfast: had chili - homemade sauce, turkey, can of carrots, beans, coc. oil, couple bites of apple & yogurt
Lunch: had barley, yogurt, strawberries, pineapple, and turkey
Dinner: salad, fish, potato/sweetpotato, dressing, coc. oil
MA: yogurt, apples (unweighed), coc. oil

September 24, 2009 day 4

Another day without binging. My measurements were haphazard though. I need to plan ahead and have dinner waiting after the gym, as I was so hungry, I just started eating my protein without weighing it. Have to watch the coconut oil. Like it a bit much.

Tomorrow is lunch with Sandra - gonna take it with me.

Today I had:

b - steel cut oats (1/3 c. dry), yogurt, apples, chicken, coc. oil
l - few bites of chicken before lunch as I made kids lunch. Then had fish, potatoes/sweet potatoes (ate some while I was cooking), salad, dressing.
d - chicken (unweighed), veggies (unmeasured), c. millet.
ma - yogurt, apple (ate a few extra bites)

before bed ate a few bites of potato mix as I packed up lunch for tomorrow, licked dressing spoon. Must be careful!!!

Did the double workout again. (walk in the am, and spinning class in the pm).

Weight this morning was 143.2. Ugh!!! Close to 20 lbs over my lowest weight, and 12 pounds over my stablized weight.

Made brownies with the girls, and didn't fall apart. That's good. Although funny how I justify preparing things ahead or batch cooking when I feel out of sorts because I know I can have some bites. Bad bad. I will only batch in the morning right after breakfast. That's when I'm strongest1

post 2 9/22/09 DAY 2

Okay, I've neared the end of day 2 of no binging! Yippee! I can do this one day at a time! I find it helps to do something at night that doesn't involve food - and I have been to the gym at night both nights.

I had the following for lunch & dinner:

L - salad, butternut squash, fish, coconut oil, mayo (less than a T), salsa, yogurt
D- can of carrots, cup of homemade tomato sauce (plus several extra bites while cooking),
turkey, beans
MA - yogurt, nectarine

I remembered my vitamins both today and yesterday as well.

I got a little hungry around 3:30, which I think is because I'm thirsty and I was lying down reading.

I want to use prayer more effectively through my day.

September 22, 2009 10 am

So far I feel positive about staying binge-free today. I had my usual healthy breakfast, and added a little coconut oil. I walked on the treadmill for 45 minutes. Now I am ready for the day!

September 21, 2009

Today was a pretty good food day. Not perfect, but at least no binging! What a struggle I've had with binging! Ugh! I'll have a particularly bad experience, and swear I won't do it again, and yet days later, there I go! It just doesn't make sense! I guess I truly do have an addiction.... I cannot say no once I start eating sugar, flour or wheat!

Today I had:

B - millet, pineapple, berries, yogurt & turkey
L - salad, extra scoop of coconut oil, mayo, salsa, yogurt, fish, butternut squash
D - cooked veggies, homemade tomato sauce, chicken, barley (extra bites of veggies & chicken)
MA - orange, yogurt

I ate my MA before going to the gym tonight. That worked well. I actually walked on the treadmill this morning, too, but I think twice a days are good to keep me out of the kitchen. I justify the extra oil based on the extra exercise. I did spinning & pump at th gym. I feel good tonight.

I am hoping that this will keep me more accountable. I will journal when I feel weak. I will try to find ways to avoid the feeling of being deprived when I am around others who are eating things I can't. (vacation last week triggered the beginning of my latest binges - then having people over to my house last night with appetizers triggered my latest binge).

I am trying to decide whether to go to a specialist in hormones next week. $225 per visit. Hmm.

I pray that God takes this disorder away from my life.... I struggle with thoughts that I need to quit denying myself all sugar, flour and wheat and have it in moderation - knowing that I cannot.

I look forward to this experience of blogging!

Blessings -